…brides wore their finest dress on their wedding day, regardless of the color (though white was the color of choice for brides in Egyptian and Roman times). The tide really turned once Queen Victoria wore white; this was after the invention of photography and therefore many were able to see and be influenced by her choice. Wearing white was also seen as a symbol of wealth, since it was difficult to keep clean and could not be worn again as easily as other colors.

…it was frowned upon to attend a wedding wearing black, since it is the color of mourning. These days, it’s a safe bet that many, if not most, guests will be wearing black.

… you could wear white to a wedding, as a guest. Today, many think it is rude to do so, as it may upstage the bride. (A boldly patterned dress with some white, or a dress that is only partially white, such as the bodice or sash, are generally considered acceptable.) As styles change and brides’ gowns vary from regal to simple and sweet, it is more likely that a guest wearing white could look like the bride – or worse, be dressed more formally! However, not everyone has an issue with white. Some brides even choose white or ivory for their attendants – remember Pippa’s famous dress?

… you might suggest guidelines for your guests (black tie, semi-formal) so that they knew what was appropriate for your venue. Beyonce and Jay Z asked guests to wear white to their 2008 wedding. Kim Kardashian’s guests all wore black and white.

What is considered appropriate is certainly changing!

Why do some couples ask guests to wear a certain color? Perhaps the number of people you would have asked to be bridesmaids has reached unruly proportions; this would be a way to honor certain friends and family members without having an enormous bridal party. Maybe the bride and groom are wearing non-traditional colors and do not want a guest in a yellow dress to realize in embarrassment that she matches the bride. They may think the idea of people wearing the same colors is festive and will put people in a party mood. (Consider not wearing a costume to a costume party – not quite as fun, right?) In most cases, even if other reasons apply, I’m sure a major motivator is having some cool photos. The smaller the wedding, the more likely this is to work well.

Why might this be a bad idea? Sometimes finding a flattering ensemble is hard enough without the color limitation. A guest may not own something in say, orange, so now they have the added expense of purchasing a new outfit in order to attend. And what if orange is your least favorite color, or looks horrible on you? I’d venture that guests with whom you are not close might decline based on this type of request – perhaps they can’t or won’t spend the extra money and may be irritated at being told what to wear.

If you are asking all guests to wear a specific color, Martha Stewart Weddings advises using verbiage such as, “We invite you to join in the wedding’s color palette by wearing a shade of blue” on a reception-card insert (as opposed to the invitation). If you think a significant number of guests plan to dress in a particular color, it would be helpful to include a line like the one above somewhere in the enclosures; if someone wasn’t aware of the request, they may stick out and feel uncomfortable.

I think the broader the request, the more receptive guests will be. Most of us probably own something appropriate in black and white, or we could find an option in a shade of green relatively easily. Looking for just mint green or chartreuse? Not quite as easy.

My husband and I are invited to two such weddings this summer. One wedding is for a close friend who has asked all of her friends to wear shades of blue, and another is for a relative who would like family to wear silver or grey. Will I need to purchase two new dresses? Yes, but I would have done so anyway. (Traditionally, you didn’t need to worry about photos on Facebook; it was easier to recycle outfits with different circles!) If it makes the bride happy, I’m happy to oblige.

This philosophy certainly extends to your guests. Of course you will thank them for coming. Perhaps the evening will not allow you to spend as much time with each person as you’d like, but a phone call after the event or a hand-written note can really make someone feel special.

Planning an event on your own can be stressful. Finding suitable vendors that fit into your budget and trying to ensure that your guests have fun and feel taken care of, while juggling work, family and well, life… In the midst of all of this, try to remember the basics: please and thank you.

What do I mean? I once knew a bride whose parents lived in the same town as her ceremony venue, and she was planning to get ready for the big day at their home. A few weeks before the wedding, her parents unexpectedly had to move over an hour away. The bride called her florist, photographer, videographer, hair stylist and make up artist and explained the situation. Not one single person charged her an additional fee, though two hours of travel time had been added to their day. The reason? This particular bride happened to be one of the sweetest, nicest people you would ever have the good fortune to meet. She had treated her vendors with kindness and respect throughout the entire process so they were willing to accommodate her.

When I’m working an event, I say please and thank you all day: to the valet, the bartender, the event captain, the florist’s assistants, and so on. The efforts of so many people go into making an event successful. As the host, you may never even see many of these people, and that is to be expected. But I do. I express my gratitude for several reasons. Being polite goes a long way: it feels good when your efforts are acknowledged, and people tend to work harder and take more pride in their work if they know someone has noticed. It’s the difference between a staff who gladly offers assistance and one who hides when they see you coming.

Maybe it’s a misconception, or perhaps due to a bad experience, but some people expect the event planner to come in and “take over”. I will most definitely step in if things are not going as planned or I see a potential problem; however, we are all on the same team. The client does not need to be concerned with how something gets done, but it is up to all of us behind the scenes to make sure it does get done, and that we exceed expectations. So when I say please and thank you, and show that I am willing to roll my sleeves up and help, the day is that much smoother.

I also say these words because, sometimes, it’s just nice to hear. Some people are quick to speak up if something is not right, but can forget to mention it when things work out well. Everyone appreciates a genuine compliment on their service or their talent. I once told a deejay that he had played so many fantastic songs during a reception, songs I had forgotten about but I could sing along to almost every one. He beamed. And what baker wouldn’t want to be told that their cake looked amazing? The best compliment I can get is, “You took care of everything. I felt like a guest at my own party.”

And last, but most certainly not least, when you say please and thank you, nice gentlemen offer to help carry heavy boxes!